Eating a Hematogen Bar

As I was sitting in my office today, I noticed one of my co-workers eating what appeared to be a dark chocolate bar. Being the chocophile that I am, I inquired to what she was eating.

"I am eating a Hematogen Bar," she proudly exclaimed.

Former English teacher that I am, the prefix "hema-" raised a red flag for me, as that particular prefix usually refers to blood.

"What's in a Hematogen Bar?" I asked.

Well, of course, there was tons of sugar and caramel and vanilla, but the fourth ingredient on the list was processed cow's blood. Evidently Hematogen Bars are the candy bars of choice for people who need a little more iron in their diet.

I had my co-worker go through the label and discovered that it really had no chocolate in it at all, so a bit of disappointment there. 3 grams of protein was nice, but the 76 grams of carbs seemed to be a bit much to me for a little bit of cow's blood.

"If a Hematogen Bar is filled with cow's blood, why is there a picture of a rooster on the wrapper?" I wondered.

It turns out that if you read the label it says: Russian Hematogen (for children). So, my co-worker told me that children in Russia and Kyrgyzstan love pictures of cute little roosters, so the picture serves an enticement for little kids to eat their Hematogen Bar as a source of iron.

345 calories per bar, with sugar and caramel as the dominant ingredients, surely there must be a better way to deal with anemia it seemed to me. But how often does one get to eat a candy bar laced with cow's blood? So, off I went to the campus store to get my very own Hematogen Bar. Besides at only 30 cents, I couldn't imagine a better deal: confectionary treat and medicinal treatment all rolled into one.

After my evening meal, I sat down in my apartment to unwrap my precious bundle. When you eat something that your mind associates with the blood of a cow, you possess a slight sense of wariness. I should not have worried, because had I not known what I was eating and had purchased a Hematogen Bar because I had been fooled by that darling little rooster, I wouldn't have even imagined it had cow's blood in it. Rather I would have thought I had purchased the snack of choice of sugar addicts around the world. Personally, I would recommend Hematogen bars to those with dangerously low blood sugar who might require immediate treatment as they are on the way to the hospital. I must say I was mildly disappointed, as I would have preferred something that possessed the faint trace of the same sanguinary pleasure one receives when eating a steak, medium rare.

After taking my small bite of the Hematogen Bar, I had to dispose of the rest as my blood sugar would have taken three days to reach an equilibrium again if I had consumed the entire thing. And I realized that my colleague had eaten two of these bars while I was conversing with her. No wonder she stays up quite late at night from what I've heard. And I've learned to beware of the image of the cute little rooster if it adorns a package label--it is a trap to ensnare small children to eat a trace of something good for them disguised in a day's worth of sugar.